My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize