I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
