her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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