"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
