Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
