She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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