Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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