$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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