A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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