think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
