Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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