she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
