Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
