Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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