when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Barsexuality is the new black.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
