there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
ok first of all what the fuck
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
