you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
