if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
