piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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