I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
