My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
In America we eat man semen.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
