Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
