She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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