sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
