Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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