I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize