she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
literally had 100 drinks last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
