Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
