I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
