Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
