I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
