so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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