Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The air taste purple.
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