if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my shit smells like andre
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
