Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
