$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
