Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
