Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
