Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
MIDGETS
????
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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