so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize