normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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