The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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