The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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