I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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