Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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