Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i believe in u and ur pee
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
