one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
