turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
