Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
