U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
