Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
