you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
