you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
