everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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