My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
