You're my little dorito
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
