we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
