Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
