Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
