It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
