Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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