You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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