so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
