i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
