I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize