FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
