She said her name was "party"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
