Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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