Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
