we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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