The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
